Mrs. Bo

Motherhood, Mrs. Bo, Passions, Read & Write

Pain and Peace

March 3, 2016, 69 Comments
It was good while it lasted, It was good even when it ended. God is good all the time.

It was good while it lasted, it was good even when it ended.

God is good all the time. 

One of my biggest fears has been realized…I lost the baby in my womb.

For those who don’t know, I found out I was pregnant sometime in January, announced it last Sunday to the public, and on Tuesday found out that my baby no longer has a heartbeat.

The long explanation for the cause is that it is most probably a developmental problem. An abnormality with the baby that is not compatible with life so it didn’t allow my baby to progress any further. My doctor said that nothing could have altered this, even if I rested, stayed home, etc. My first ultrasound showed heartbeat and my second didn’t anymore. The size of the baby also remained the same despite the 6-week-gap.

Now that’s the long of it and here’s a short one: God gives and God takes away.

I believe that there is nothing I could have done to keep the baby, or to lose the baby, if it isn’t aligned with God’s good, pleasing and perfect will. So many stories attest to this, like some moms who don’t want their babies and do everything to rid of them, still get to keep them no matter what. On the other hand, many fit women out there happen to miscarry or lose babies for unknown reasons. I actually know three women who have miscarried and lost a number of babies in their womb, all who are very dear to me, and they serve as inspiration and hope for me at this time. We’ll never understand it all, why this happened to them, to me, and not to others, but one thing enters my mind right now: God knows what he is doing.

Of course this doesn’t mean to say I am completely fine. I am in great emotional pain and many people say it will worsen in the days to come. I keep thinking one day I will know how my baby looks like when I meet him or her in heaven, but it hurts me to think that it won’t be anytime soon. My friend put it best when she said, “It’s true – that sweet baby is safe in the Father’s arms. It’s also totally acceptable to mourn that he or she isn’t in your arms.”

Basically, that’s the tension of pain and peace that I feel right now. I know the baby really is supposed to be where he or she really is, but I also long to be with him or her so much. As in so much.

I think I have a long way to go to heal. Right now I can already feel fear seeping into my bones, traumatized by silent dopplers and all. That is something I know I’d have to deal with in the days to come.

I am not sure if I will [publicly] write about it again, but I am doing what I can now to inform people who care. Many celebrated with us when we announced the “twin pregnancy” – of my sister and I getting pregnant at the same time. So I feel it is only apt to inform you guys of the sad news, to honor the joy you shared with me. (In other news, Paula is in great shape! She and her baby are doing just fine, praise God!)

And before I end this entry I would like to say that the song that keeps ringing in my head is “All I’m After.” (Here is a link if you’ve never heard of it before: https://soundcloud.com/every-nation-music/all-im-after)

The lyrics that keep repeating in my mind are: “You are good always/ You are good always/ You are good always/ You are good always” and “Your mercy is upon us forever.”

Believe it or not, what I truly feel right now is that despite of everything that happened, this is still God’s mercy upon our family. I don’t know how I am able to say this, but I really truly believe this is still His mercy in action and I can’t help but be grateful for so much. Grateful even for that short time of being with this babe, grateful that He gave, grateful He took away. He is still good. Always, He is good, even when things don’t feel so good for me, I still know in my heart that He is good. He has been so good and too merciful all throughout my life that it would be wrong to say He is otherwise just because of one thing that didn’t go the way I wished for it to go.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. (Psalm 23:6)

In other news, I can drink soda again. I don’t drink much but at least I can for today and tomorrow. In heaven, the soda has no power to harm my baby. 🙂

Thank you all for your time. Thank you all who celebrated with me. And thank you all who are also grieving with me now. God’s mercy and goodness doesn’t make it less painful, but for some reason in it peace and pain can co-exist.

Bye Baby Bo #2. See you someday. I am sure Papa and Kuya Philip will also be thrilled to meet you there someday. They both love you so much and were so excited to meet you (and I the most!), but too bad we have to postpone it for now. So until then, Baby… Love you so much.

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69 Comments

  • Reply sharon March 3, 2016 at 10:20 AM

    Thanks for sharing ms.rica. I had almost the same experience 3plus yrs ago when I was on my 6th month of pregnancy,they need to do a c-section on me, only to find out that my son has only minutes, hours to live. But God is good, He allowed me 7 wonderful days to be with him, hold him and kiss him. I thank God everyday that He didn’t allow the pain to overtake my faith. Until now, the emotional pain is still present but it gives me more reason to look forward to what God has set for our future. “Everything happens for a reason and everything has it’s own season” is a cliche but it holds true for someone whose faith is unshakeable.

    • Reply sybelle March 4, 2016 at 8:30 PM

      God bless you Carla:)Indeed, the Lord gives and the Lord takes..Blessed be the name of the Lord!

    • Reply Eden Lipao March 15, 2016 at 3:15 AM

      I had the same situation as you are Ms Rica..and lost the baby two weeks ago Still in January I knew I was one monthy preggy then but just like yours, it ended! It was my 3rd time àctually of losing our babies. As of now, confusions came every now and then but God’s comfort in always on time..For His purpose, Me and my husband will serve Him and take good care of His flocks as we are pioneering a church here in Iligan City.
      Be of good cheer!
      He loves us so much!
      Jeremiah 33:3

      God bless you

      Eden

  • Reply Julie March 3, 2016 at 10:24 AM

    Sad to hear this news but you’re right GOD is good and GOD plan is better than ours. Your faith is truly admirable. Please continue to inspire others.

    • Reply Tessa May 8, 2016 at 6:34 AM

      Reading this makes my decioisns easier than taking candy from a baby.

  • Reply Laica M. March 3, 2016 at 10:29 AM

    Hi Ms. Rica, I am one of your followers. I’m really happy nung nalaman ko na preggy ka na ulit. But also saddened by this announcement. I understand your situation. Kasi namatayan din ako, nawalan ng heartbeat ang baby ko nung mismong kabuwanan ko and she was my first baby. But despite of that, God is really good. At alam ko na yung situation na yan ay magiging isang testimony. Praying for you and your family.

  • Reply Ivy March 3, 2016 at 11:03 AM

    Tears fell on my eyes. I feel you Ms.Rica, a year ago I lost my 2nd baby at 8 weeks inside my womb. I have a miscarriage naturally. And it turns out Blighted Ovum. My ob also said that even i rested it wont help as this is a chromosomal abnormality. I was frustrated that time. I cried and cried. Yet after grieving I know God has better plans for me and my family. Right now I’m pregnant again, praying for a healthy and safe pregnancy. Will also pray for you. God bless and More Power!

  • Reply mommygiay March 3, 2016 at 2:20 PM

    Reading your post made me cry once again remembering what I went through 18 and 17 years ago losing my supposed first-born and second-born. The pain will always be there but in the end there will always be peace remembering and knowing God’s promise that He has a perfect plan for each one of us. I am now a mom to an 8yr old boy and enjoying every bit of it. Thanks for sharing your experience. God bless you always!

  • Reply Steph Vergara March 3, 2016 at 2:46 PM

    I am sorry about your loss Rica. But I admire your courage to go on with life and trust in the Lord. It’s not easy to trust God in times when we are hurt and we have a lot of questions in mind on why these things are happening. But just like what Abraham did, he gave his full trust to God and everything went fine. May God bless you more and also your Family! Kepp on inspiring. ♥

  • Reply Genefe March 3, 2016 at 3:07 PM

    And God will wipe every tear from their eyes. There shall be no more death, nor crying or pain. For the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:4

    Tears continue to fall as I type my message. Thank you for allowing me to grieve for you as you allowed me to rejoice in your announcement about the baby days ago. You have been such an inspiration to me, Mrs. Bo. I am still single and enjoying this season as best as I can. When you said you lost the baby, I felt like I lost something too. I may not be able to fathom the depths of your pain right now, but surely with what happened, I am believing more and more that the goodness and soveriengty of our LORD surpasses all understanding. Only the Lord can make the reality of pain and peace to coexist. I admire you, Mrs. Bo. And through you, my faith is strengthed. This circumstance, though painful, makes me love our LORD much more.

    I thank God for the strength He is blessing you. He is faithful. Prayers for you and your family, Mrs. Bo. God bless you always. 

  • Reply Mommy Margau March 3, 2016 at 4:32 PM

    Hugs to you Ms . Rica. Last 2014,I also lost our 1st baby, due to short umbilical cord. She was already 34 weeks, and found out that there’s no heartbeat. It was painful, emotionally and physically, but God’s comfort and peace are so powerful.
    Praying for your fast recovery Mrs. Bo.God will never leave you.
    God bless you, Pastor Joe and Philip.

  • Reply Kim E. March 3, 2016 at 4:40 PM

    *hug*

  • Reply Mrs. B March 3, 2016 at 5:11 PM

    U pretty much summed up the emotions that i have been having for the past few weeks. The joy of finding out that i was finally pregnant after trying for years (january)and the heartbreak of knowing that my little angel is needed somewhere else (february). It all happened so fast. I am not even sure if am okay now. Ur words truly comforted me. Thank u. I will pray for ur heart to be healed soon as i do with mine. It’s not easy but i know that with God’s grace everything will be alright soon.

  • Reply Neth E. March 3, 2016 at 6:03 PM

    It’s a good thing God’s thoughts and ways are higher than ours and though we may struggle to understand why certain things happen to us, it is comforting to know that His plan for us is always perfect…praying for continued peace for you amidst the pain.

  • Reply Je B. March 3, 2016 at 7:34 PM

    I just remember the story of Job in your situation Mrs. Bo. Despite the loss, Job still praises God. May you always find peace and comfort. Praying for you and your beautiful family. God bless!

  • Reply patriceangela March 3, 2016 at 8:45 PM

    Hi Ms. Rica. I’m really sorry to hear about that sad news. It really struck me in the heart. I’ve been in your position a few weeks ago. We knew that we were pregnant last January and the last month (February) just went by so fast. I lost my first baby. Even though I’m smiling and seemed to be okay… I can’t really say that I’m fine because I know that I’m not. I think I’ll forever be longing for my lost child. Everything happens for a reason. But my husband and I were still staying strong despite what happened because we both know that His plans are better than ours… We just need to trust and have faith in Him. He will give what our hearts’ desire in His willing and perfect time. May God bless us and heal us during this difficult time.

  • Reply Lecysc March 3, 2016 at 10:37 PM

    Hi Miss Rica, sorry about your loss. but you are right, God is always in control and everything has a purpose. I also lost my first baby last 2009 when he/she (but my husband and i think he’s a boy :)) was only 11 weeks and did not progress as well. It has been very hard for us especially for me but by God’s grace we were able to accept it although the re were times i just cry whenever i remember my baby. But then again I would just think that he is in a better place now and he would be looking over us (me,his dad and his younger sister,our 3 yr old baby). Your blog will be an inspiration especially for those who are dealing with the same situation. May you and your family be blessed more and more and May the Lord give you the comfort on these times that you are going through.

  • Reply WanderW0m0m March 3, 2016 at 11:10 PM

    aww. this is what you were saying in your reply in my comment in the other post. i think they (other commenters) said everything i also want to say, i just wat to give you fam a hug, and will be praying with you!

  • Reply Ressa Regalado March 3, 2016 at 11:28 PM

    Ate Carla my prayers for you and Pastor Joseph. It was a sad news to awake to. I honestly said a prayer right when I saw it earlier and asked for the Lord to let me know how to reach out to you. Specially since we as a church just prayed for you 4 when you shared it to us here in Japan. We shared in your joy and I share in your grief. Most of the women in that circle that prayed for you messaged each other and we are praying for your family. I admire you for your peace. In that peace, I wish to share in too. I pray that the Lord who is all knowing and all loving will wrap you in His arms in the coming days and re-assure you when you miss baby Bo 2. *hugs*

  • Reply Ched March 3, 2016 at 11:34 PM

    Thank you for sharing your story. I cried while reading it. I’m also on my 6th week of pregnancy right now and I umderstand how truly painful it is to lose a child. Back in 2004 I lost my first child and now I’m just really scared and every day I pray to the Lord for His blessing and guidance. I admire your strength and your faith. I prayed for you and your family after reading your blog. Truly the Lord knows what is best for us and I pray He heals you and your family during this trying time. God bless you, ma’am. You’re in my prayers.

  • Reply Kimberly Evangelista March 3, 2016 at 11:53 PM

    Rica and Joseph, my husband and I feel your pain. I’m supposed to give birth on March 8 to our 3rd but no baby in my tummy, makes me feel a gut-wrenching pain everyday as that date draws near. We lost our first too at 8 months gestational and we’ve written about our journey with her. I hope our story will somehow give you both strength and know that you are not alone in your pain. May God envelope you both with His unexplainable comfort in the heartbreaking days ahead.

    Here is our story:

    https://www.facebook.com/notes/kimberly-tan-evangelista-雷莊甜甜/murren-our-daughters-34-weeks-journey-in-my-tummy/10150459472450834

  • Reply Abigail March 3, 2016 at 11:53 PM

    I understand Ms. Rica. I had miscarriage last October. Our first baby after 5 years of waiting. You’ve expressed my thoughts I can’t put into writing. I’ve been holding on to God’s word from John 9:3 “… but this happened that the works of God might be displayed in him.” God bless you my sister in Christ.

  • Reply Jen March 4, 2016 at 12:05 AM

    Very inspiring. Lost my second baby 3 weeks ago at 9 weeks with no heartbeat too. Indeed ’twas devastating and sad. But despite of all, my faith intensified and knows that God has better plans for us. Thanks for sharing your story as it helps us not to lose hope and trust in him more.

  • Reply Jenny March 4, 2016 at 12:42 AM

    Sometimes God will use that pain to encourage others. I have a baby with cleft lip. I’m also thinking why me and my baby, of all the people in the world, why not other moms and babies? I didn’t know that God can use my situation to be a blessing to others.

    In my baby’s first vaccine, I saw a mom holding a baby with cleft lip. I thought I’m alone in this journey but not. I ask the mom if they know a foundation to help them with her baby because my pedia recommend us in a foundation who is specialize in cleft lip. I told her about that foundation.

    I didn’t know that God will use my situation to bring solution to others. Time will come, God will also use you to encourage other moms

  • Reply sher March 4, 2016 at 12:52 AM

    no words… just ((HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSS)) praying for you guys!

  • Reply Merychelle Javier March 4, 2016 at 12:54 AM

    I feel so sad about this news Mrs.Bo.. after the announcement of twin pregnancy here comes next.. I might not know how you really feel right now because I dont even experience having a baby yet but someday in God’s time,but I know you will be fine soon.. Always remember there will always be a lil angel watching over you & your family.. Stay strong!

  • Reply IamAshi March 4, 2016 at 1:35 AM

    Hi sis rica. may d Lord comfort you and your family. All things work together for good. Just sharin, i’d lost my bunso 2 years ago, named him sebastian, i was on my 4th month way back then. Had mourned 2 months, every night I was praying and crying to God, I thought I can’t go back to work and manage my accounts again as I am on sales. Praise God that He let me surpass that saddest moment of my life as a mom. I still long to hug my baby.. But what gives me peace, like you, like d mom in d movie “heaven is real”, soon, we will see him in heaven. Keep on writing. May God bless you..

  • Reply Almira Dy March 4, 2016 at 1:37 AM

    Yes. God is always good. We have to wait for His time, His time is always perfect. When it happen to me, I just prayed one thing “God, prepare my heart.” And it has helped me a lot. He knows what He is doing indeed. God always does things for a reason, that we may understand soon, sooner or never but it’s always what’s good for us. You can make it through by God’s grace. God bless! It’s never easy but it will be, with God by our side.

  • Reply Jane March 4, 2016 at 2:50 AM

    “Here’s a word. Bereavement. Or, Bereaved. Bereft. It’s from the Old English bereafian, meaning ‘to deprive of, take away, seize, rob.’ Robbed. Seized. It happens to everyone. But you feel it alone. Shocking loss isn’t to be shared, no matter how hard you try.”

    -by Helen Macdonald ( author- writer)

    This too shall pass Ms. Rica.

  • Reply Adrienne Buenaventura March 4, 2016 at 3:30 AM

    Hi Carla. We met a few months ago, in one morning service. I was breastfeeding my baby boy a seat behind you, as you breastfed yours. Your husband was preaching that day. I pray you’ll be able to read this blog entry of mine that I wrote three years ago… I know how you feel because I went through the same thing. I pray for the Lord’s comfort to embrace you right now. http://www.proudtobeawifeandmama.com/surviving-a-heartbreak-i-believe-in-angels-in-heaven-one-of-our-kids-already-has-wings/

  • Reply Wena March 4, 2016 at 6:07 AM

    Hi Rica. Im going through the very same thing right now. I found out i was pregnant with my first baby sometime in January. I had to go to emergency room last Sunday because of bleeding and cramping. My husband and i just came back from a vacation for our 1st year wedding anniversary and we ask the doctor if travelling or maybe walking too much while on vacation has something to do with the miscarriage but the doctor said it was developmental issue. It really has nothing to do with what we did . It is really emotionally painful but it is what it is. We believe God is not even surprise about what happened cause we know its a part of His better plan for us.

  • Reply Fritzi March 4, 2016 at 7:36 AM

    Hi Ms. Rica! I know the feeling. I lost my first baby a mOnth ago at 8 weeks. The doctor found out the baby has ni heartbeat at the first ultrasound. It was devastating. Good thing my husband is very supportive & optimistic. You are right God knows what He is doing. He has a plan. God bless!

  • Reply jenive dungog March 4, 2016 at 7:42 AM

    Losing a baby is probably the most painful feeling any woman or man can feel and experience. I have lost mine 5 months ago, he is two years old. Yes, a healthy, handsome one and only son/child 2 year old boy. I lost him and wasn’t able to do anything about it. You are right Miss. Rica, it’ll be a long healing process or probably the pain will stay within us forever. I’m lost of words as what you have written is almost exactly how I felt and feeling now. I regret my baby’s death but at the same time I couldn’t get angry with God as he knows what’s good for us. I have this verse I wanna share with you ” Matthew 19:14
    But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” and 2 Corinthians 5:8
    ”We are confident, yes, hwell pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord”.. God bless you and your family.

  • Reply Lady Lane March 4, 2016 at 8:08 AM

    I could relate to the pain you felt. I also lost my baby the same way you did…heartbeat was suddenly gone. In London where I live, the statistics of miscarriage is 25%. This means 1 in 4 pregnancy ends in miscarriage. It is true that everything happens for a reason and God is and will always be good, but we also need to mourn the loss…cry and say your sorrows to God…it helps a lot 🙂

  • Reply Yinka March 4, 2016 at 9:12 AM

    Sending so much love to my dear Carla and declaring the peace of God upon u and ur Beau. “Comfort, comfort. xoxo

  • Reply Loui Catempohan March 4, 2016 at 10:22 AM

    A warm hugs from here!Praying for you, Miss Rica and your family.

  • Reply Lyra Viray March 4, 2016 at 10:29 AM

    Hi Ms. Rica, I was saddened when I read the post that you had a miscarriage and im in tears while reading your blog.I really understand your situation,same as you I lost our baby 3years ago,we are looking forward to have our second but the baby did not continue, it was a blighted ovum. I was really sad during that time because we prayed for that baby (my husband is also a pastor), and when we told our daughter that our baby is gone she was really sad to the point that she doesnt want to pray anymore because for her God took our baby feom my tummy, but the amazing thing is that God helped me to overcome that sadness that i felt during that time and He also gave me wisdom to explain to my daughter that God did not take our baby but rather our baby is enjoying heaven so much and playing with Jesus that why he doesnt want to go here on earth yet. We taught her to pray and ask Jesus to tell her baby brother to come here na so we can play with him. And true enough after few months I got pregnant again and now we are enjoying our little Timothy David. I know its hard but everytime I look at my baby I cant help but thank God because I know he is the answer to our prayers. He is the perfect, beautiful answer.

  • Reply Angel March 4, 2016 at 11:15 AM

    Hi Ms. Carla,

    I’ve been in the same situation 2 weeks ago. It was an ordinary monthly checkup but we haven’t heared the heartbeat. I asked for another week to my OB to postpone the DNC. We prayed for another week but sad to say the baby’s heartbeat is gone. During those days, I had my daily devotion and the boom of John striked me. Jesus knows how much pain He will go through on the cross but He didn’t complain. Instead, He accepted it and surrendered Himself for He knows that it is the Father’s will. Same as the pain we all have to go through in life. It is painful, but we need to accept His will and fully surrender. After this painful event in our life I never dare ask why, instead I mourned because it hurts but I accepted it and surrendered everything to God for I know He has a better plan for me in His perfect time.

  • Reply Jen March 4, 2016 at 11:41 AM

    Hugs and prayer to you and your family. 🙂

  • Reply Almira Coronado March 4, 2016 at 11:59 AM

    Hi Rica,

    I found out about the news thru Iris Monterde (met her and Pastor Dan when they were in SF). I have been following your blog and your Instagram and was one of many who were happy to hear the news that you and your sister are expecting.

    I am saying a prayer for you and your family. I hope to meet you one day and talk about how good God truly is. =) You are blessed.

    To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth? I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

  • Reply Blanche March 4, 2016 at 12:08 PM

    You are always in my thoughts and prayers.. Know that you are loved…

  • Reply Corinne March 4, 2016 at 12:35 PM

    Dear Rica,
    Thank you for sharing your story. You are truly inspirational, especially in the situation that I’ve been in. I am not a mother, but I’ve been longing to be one. My husband and I have gone through In-Vitro multiple times. Most recently, we attempted another try. However, on the day that we were suppose to transfer embryos, our doctor told us that the embryos did not survive and we did not have any to transfer. I was devastated and felt so depressed. After going through daily injections (4-5 sticks per day) at the end, we ended up with nothing. I felt like a failure. I wondered how so many females out there get pregnant and they don’t take care of themselves and their babies or get abortions. While I am here doing everything the doctors are telling me and I still can even have an embryo to transfer. Yes, it was quite expensive and we are in debt, but we are desperate. I’ve been trying to fight the feeling not knowing what to do.

    We don’t know each other, but I do follow you on IG, and I was delighted to see that you were happy with your announcement of your pregnancy. I am sorry to hear that you’ve lost your precious gift. My situation is different, but the same feeling if loss is there. I know that we cannot say anything that will make you feel any better, but know that there are many of us who are grieving and we keep longing. You are not alone. I pray that you find peace of mind and peace in your heart- I am still trying to find mine. They way you are dealing with your situation is so inspiring and it’s giving me courage to move forward. Thank you for sharing your story. You and your precious gift are in my prayers.

  • Reply Gretchen pastor March 4, 2016 at 1:48 PM

    Ive lost my baby last year, he was already 8 months then, he has just learned to sit on his own, a part that lead him to his death bed was because of some negligent staffs of the hospital we first went to seek help. He was in come for two weeks, those were the most painful events of my life, watching my son in his death bed, and i couldn’t do anything, only God knows how much i begged Him to spare my baby’s life. Now that he’s gone, i find solace in my faith, i try to read every spiritual book i can. Me and my husband even attended the kerygma conference last year, it was of a very very big help though. It is difficult to explain, no mind can really comprehend God’s wisdom, but ive learned to offer everything to God. I try to seek forgiveness, to learn to forgive those negligent hospital staffs. Ive also created a group for grieving moms, i was looking for one during the months after my baby had his wings, but i coudnt find one for filipino moms, hence, i decided to have one, pagdamay kay nanay, if you know someone who is grieving over the loss of their child/ren, i hope you’ll find comfort from mothers who exactly knew waht you’re going through.God is good.

  • Reply Lux G. March 4, 2016 at 2:45 PM

    Your faith and perspective is admirable. I may never understand the pain of this kind of loss but I like the way you handle it. I hope this will give inspiration to those going through pain at this moment. Truly God is good and that all things happen for a purpose. Thank you for the inspiration. Blessings!

  • Reply May Santos March 4, 2016 at 5:24 PM

    The pain of losing someone you love was unbearable even though we never had a chance to hold,hug,feel and see them. I had the same experience 2 yrs ago. I lost my baby on my 9th week, and just last September I lost my husband.. I left alone And lost. Some of my friends says they admire me for being strong & keeping my faith. But inside me I was pained & felt dying of loneliness..

  • Reply RIzbeth March 4, 2016 at 9:54 PM

    Hi Ms. Rica! I’m sorry for the loss of your 2nd child. I admire your attitude towards the pain that you’re going through right now. I remember my sister’s situation through your story. And I can say that you are right. I do believe that everything happens for a reason.. just at times we can’t understand God’s ways right away but I know that God has his perfect plan and perfect timing for everything.

    Thanks for your inspiring story and faith. I believe my sister has indeed been inspired through your blog.

    I have also have been tested by the Lord when I was diagnosed with Lymphoma last 2014 (March) after my mother died (February). What keeps me going and keeping my faith in the Lord is the saying that “We are like charcoal that is put the test through fire to be refined and be a Diamond”.. that’s why I consider my self and everyone who is put to the test a blessed one. Because the Lord wants us to be refined for His glory.

    God bless you and hope you could inspire more.

  • Reply Coney Chee March 4, 2016 at 11:07 PM

    Carla, am so encouraged with your testimony of faith and trust in the Lord.

    In fact, I’m using your story to reach out to my sis in law who also had miscarriages.

    God is really good to you. Blessings & prayers from Kuala Lumpur!

  • Reply Mae Guerrero March 4, 2016 at 11:59 PM

    Hi mrs. Bo (rica) i was crying when im reading this. The link was sent to me by my friend … imalso suffered miscarriage last week and im still recovering.. its true that we will always wonder who they would have been , despite of my worries bec its supposed to be my 1st, and the eagerness to have one is killing me, im just thinking my baby is in good hands, i felt peace. Thank u for a very inspiring post.. hugs!

  • Reply Celeste March 5, 2016 at 12:33 AM

    Hi mrs. Bo. I read your post because the pain of losing a baby is something i can relate to. I too lost my first baby 6th month of pregnancy. Im not as good with words as
    You and this is exactly what I went thru and felt at that time. Thank you for sharing. God is good all the time. I will be including you in my prayers tonight. Take care.

  • Reply Rica March 5, 2016 at 5:00 AM

    I hope you are able to read this. You have no idea how this testimony was used so powerfully by God to inspire and ‘save’ my friend from turning her back on God after some maternity issue. I kept her in prayers trusting that God is sovereign over her life and that one day she will be healed and go back to God. And truth to tell, she read this blog and it dawned on her how good God is even things didn’t happen the way she wanted. Now she’s back on track in her fellowship with Christ and I praise God for that. You see, it’s a great marvel how God can use our pain for His glory.

    I am praying for you as you grieve, may you draw closer to our Father and may you know Him even more and more. He is our Good, Good Father.

  • Reply kayni March 5, 2016 at 5:21 AM

    There are no words that I can say that would be able to ease what you and your family are going through, but do know that I sincerely wish you the strength to heal and the courage to take each day at a time.

    Yes, God is good all the time. He has been to me every single day of my second life.

  • Reply Ms k. March 5, 2016 at 5:24 AM

    We must understand that God does not take away our loved ones from us as some sort of cruel punishment. The Bible tells us that there is “no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).

    Miscarriages are usually caused by abnormal chromosome patterns in the fetus. When these abnormalities are detected, the growth is halted, and miscarriage is the result. In other instances, miscarriages are caused by uterine malformations, hormonal abnormalities, problems with the immune system, chronic infections, and illnesses. After thousands of years of sin, death and personal destruction, it should not surprise us that genetic disorders would eventually become commonplace.

    The Bible only mentions miscarriages in the context of blessings and cursings upon Israel. In Exodus 23:26, Israel is promised that “none will miscarry or be barren in your land” if they followed the Mosaic Covenant. Conversely, in Hosea 9:14, Israel in a state of disobedience is promised “wombs that miscarry / and breasts that are dry.” We learn from these passages that spontaneous miscarriages are in God’s hands. We are no longer under the Law, and we can be sure that God has compassion on those who have suffered a miscarriage. He cries and suffers with us, simply because He loves us and feels our pain. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, promised to send His Spirit to all believers so that we will never have to go through trials alone (John 14:16). Jesus said in Matthew 28:20, “And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

    Any believer who has suffered a miscarriage should have faith in the glorious hope of one day seeing her child again. An unborn child is not only a fetus or a “piece of tissue” to God, but is one of His children. Jeremiah 1:5 says that God knows us while we are still in the womb. Lamentations 3:33 tells us that God “does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.” Jesus promised to leave us with a gift of peace unlike any that the world can give (John 14:27).

    Romans 11:36 reminds us that everything exists by God’s power and is intended for His glory. Although He does not inflict suffering on us for punishment, He will allow things to come into our lives that we can use to bring glory to Him. Jesus said, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
    God bless you!

  • Reply Rina Victoria March 5, 2016 at 7:54 AM

    “He is the Lord; let him do what is good in his eyes.” 1 Samuel 3:18 <3

    So sad to hear about this, Carla. But yes, God is still good. Your faith and courage is truly an inspiration! Thoughts and prayers go out to you, Ptr. Joe, and the adorable little Philip. ♡

  • Reply leonila March 5, 2016 at 10:41 AM

    a lot of people will say “it’s ok, we understand you” but the thruth is nobody will understand the pain you’re suffering in loosing a baby inside you. you will feel helpless for not being able to protect your baby inside your body. you will cry in silence, when you’re alone in your room, in the bathroom. the longingness to be with your unborn child, you’ll always wonder how she/he would look like, the smell and how it feels when you embrace her/him. I lost my baby 3x and so the pain is unbearable. and yet I believe God is in control, and I still believe God will bless me a child/children.

  • Reply TheFaithful March 5, 2016 at 6:34 PM

    Teary-eyed upon reading. I can’t say more than being glad (because of your faith and trust) and sad at the same time for what you and your family is going through right now. God is faithful to His promises, He is never mistaken. Keep the faith, by His grace, you shall carry on with life, no matter how circumstances fail and hurt you.

    May the Lord bless you more and cover you with His precious blood especially these painful times.

  • Reply Michelle Ruetschle March 5, 2016 at 7:40 PM

    Dear Rica,

    I’m so very sorry for this loss. Miscarriage hurts more than we can imagine. So much hope, and every tender motherly instinct to breathe life into another human being dies along with the child inside, no matter how small. The same thing happened to me with my third pregnancy, a much hoped for child, three years after my other two children had been born. I too went to the beach as I mourned the news. It surprised me how much it hurt, and the ache that remains so many years later. God gave me my rainbow baby (a healthy baby after miscarriage) two years later. He is a beautiful seven year old boy now. Wishing you courage and strength as you grieve this loss, and when the time is right, hope for the future. I’m so glad for the beautiful hope you have in the Lord. He will be faithful! Bless you, Rica.

    Michelle (Pastor Steve’s wife at UCM)

  • Reply Day 62 of 366 – Ask Him, The Lord Our Father | With You For A Lifetime March 7, 2016 at 4:41 PM

    […] on. I continued reading God’s Word and have somehow lead me to read Mrs. Bo’s blog entitled Pain and Peace. It is about her miscarriage of their 2nd child. I know that she has her own blog for quite some […]

  • Reply Waiting In Vain March 7, 2016 at 8:30 PM

    […] As I end this, let me share this heart warming message from no less than Rica Peralej0-Bonifacio. […]

  • Reply Joycee March 10, 2016 at 8:27 PM

    Same experience last year.. But I keep the faith to The Lord. Maniwala tayo na everything happens for a reason. And I’m positive that next year ay makakauwi ulit kami in God’s perfect time.

  • Reply Mrs.BO March 12, 2016 at 12:26 PM

    All of the dear ladies who have left me a message here, I have read all of your thoughts and treasure them. I am so grateful that many of you reached out to tell me I am not alone. We mothers and women know the depths of our pain that can only be unique and specific to us. Thank you for sending me virtual comfort. Believe it or not, your messages and thoughts helped. So much. Thank you once again.

  • Reply Hannah March 24, 2016 at 11:53 AM

    I am sorry about your loss Rica. It’s so easy to say that life must go on but I know it’s difficult. All I can give you are my thoughts and prayer. You can have baby again in God’s perfect time.

    • Reply Mrs.BO March 31, 2016 at 11:18 AM

      Yes Hannah. Thank you so much for your thoughts. 🙂

  • Reply Diana March 29, 2016 at 9:56 PM

    Aww! It’s been months since I last visited your blog and today is actually the second day of trying to cope with your stories. First, I feel sorry for your loss.But you are right! ” It was good while it lasted, it was good even when it ended.God really has a plan for everything and I know that he has been making other path or way for you to go for now to inspire and be a blessing to other people.His great plan for you has yet to come, but surely, he’ll be bless you more and more everyday in your life..I love you Ms. Rica.^^

    • Reply Mrs.BO March 31, 2016 at 11:10 AM

      Thank you Diana!!!

  • Reply Gladys March 31, 2016 at 8:20 PM

    Hi Mrs. Bo, just heard the news.. Like you, i just had miscarriage too..3weeks ago (20wks) and until now it really hurts. Now, everytime i see pregnant women, pic of babies.. I get emotional,. like what you’ve said ‘it’s not like you loss a clothes..but a human’ alam ko hindi lang ako ang nakaranas nito. Na iinspire ako everytime i hear others’ stories. Let’s just pray and aleays keep the faith. God is good all the time.

  • Reply Des April 3, 2016 at 3:42 AM

    Honestly, before I read your story, I am crying and still in deep pain. I lost my baby 7 months ago. And i was supposed to give birth last Sept 8. But, as they say, God needs another angel so He took my baby last Aug. 25. Just started reading your blogs. And while reading your stories, and people’s comments, somehow, it helps me to stop crying. God has His own reasons why these things happen. I am hoping that by reading your stories can help me little by little to ease the pain. Thank you for being an inspiration.

  • Reply Des April 3, 2016 at 3:48 AM

    Honestly, before I read your story, I am crying and still in deep pain. I lost my baby 7 months ago. And i was supposed to give birth last Sept 8 via CS. But, as they say, God needs another angel so He took my baby last Aug. 25. She’s almost 9 months. It was also painful because I lost her 1 day before his daddy’s bday. Just started reading your blogs. And while reading your stories, and people’s comments, somehow, it helps me to stop crying. God has His own reasons why these things happen. I am hoping that by reading your stories can help me little by little to ease the pain. Thank you for being an inspiration.

  • Reply Mrs. Doblas April 17, 2016 at 9:31 PM

    After reading your story and all the comments,i am indeed inspired coz i’ve also experienced lossing my baby angel last january,he is already 8 months inside my womb a few more days to wait to finally met by baby but ive lost him inside my womb he has no heartbeat at all,,im in deep pain until now but as i read your stories and comments of people it somehow ease the pain i felt,God really has a purpose for everythng,just keep faith in God always.Were hoping that someday God will give us another blessing in perfect time..Thank you so much for inspiring us ms. Rica,.Godbless you always,,

  • Reply Chrina and Celine - Mrs. Bo June 28, 2016 at 10:01 AM

    […] for us. I miscarried in March and if you haven’t heard about it yet, the story is over here: Pain and Peace. On the other hand, Chrina, went through the painful experience of stillbirth last […]

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